Global Gore

Only in America could anyone with a name like Al Gore make good. But boy has the Goracle reached the pinnacle. Since his ignominious defeat by Supreme Court decision after winning the popular vote in the 2000 presidential election, Al has amassed a fortune while working tirelessly to save the world. He's become a Hollywood celebrity, winning both an Emmy and an Oscar for his climate change documentary "An Inconvenient Truth." And now, Al Gore has received the Nobel Peace Prize.

It wasn't that long ago--the day after the 2004 election to be precise--that I interviewed a prominent climate change scientist who was pretty close to despairing over both the re-election of an anti-science, anti-environment administration and the overall lack of public attention being paid to the critical problem of global warming, the topic of his life's work. "What if you got Bill Clinton to spear-head a big media campaign?" I suggested. "He'd listen to you. Or how about Gore? He's already written a book about the environment."

Little did we know Gore was already on the case. It's hard to believe that in only three years, green's become the new black, and Al's become a media darling and Nobel Peace Prize winner for spreading the decidedly unappealing message of climate change. I say more power to him. Now if only some equally passionate and brilliant folks can come up with a few market-friendly ideas to help us turn the problem around. And I don't mean hybrid Harleys or reusable McDonald's wrappers. I mean something really innovative, something drastic, like an anti-doomsday machine. Because I don't think we can recycle enough cans or replace enough light bulbs to make a big enough difference in time. Polar bears are already drowning.

But at least we're figuring that out now. That's progress over where we were even three years ago. And this Nobel business will draw even more global attention to the issue. Good news, all in all. Which we really need after the last couple weeks of the ongoing White House crime saga. Really, what kind of person can justify plunging the nation into multi-generational debt to finance a lost war, then take a mere pittance by comparison from poor children in need of health care? What kind of person merely redefines terms to be able to claim this nation does not torture people, when Abu Ghraib and Gitmo and secret offshore CIA prisons so graphically argue otherwise? It boggles the mind; it grieves the spirit.

So for now, I'm going to be happy for Al and Tipper and feel optimistic, if just for a little while, that change is still possible, and in a good way.

Stick a Fork in Mitt Romney; He's Done

Number of dog owners in the U.S.: 43 million

Number of dog owners in the U.S. likely to vote for a presidential candidate who once drove 12 hours with the family's Irish setter locked into a kennel atop the car, stopping only to hose the dog off when urine and diarrhea started dripping down the car windows, and then rationalizing that good ole Seamus LOVED riding on top the car, really he did: zip, zero, nada

Recent News Briefs

1. I was wrong about Alberto Gonzalez. He's surprised me by really hanging in there, although controversy over the fired federal attorneys is still swirling, and he's had to throw another of his underlings to the sharks in a further, though apparently unsuccessful, attempt to end the furor. Bush came out yet again today voicing his support for his fellow Texan, so stay tuned.

2. Bob saw a mountain lion in our front yard! Half the people we've told about this were horrified. This population is best represented by Lauren's response: "Holy shit!" The other half were thrilled, as exemplified by my friend Jeri's "How cool!" Bob and I fall into this latter group. And yet, we don't want to be as naive about this newly manifested reality of life in the chapparal as we were about wildfires. Mountain lions are big, usually hungry predators uniquely equipped to kill big game, deer for example. So they're entirely capable of taking out most any domestic animal or hapless human.

Fortunately, however, mountain lions command a huge territory, whole counties even, so it's likely this one was just passing through and we'll never see him or her again. It's equally likely this was not the first time a lion has visited Terra Nova. They're not often seen after all. It's also comforting that the statistics are in our favor. There have only been about a dozen instances of mountain lions attacking humans in California since 1870. Yes, eighteen seventy. Still, I'm gonna keep my eyes peeled for big stray cats from now on!

3. "American Idol" and "The Sopranos," two of the three t.v. shows I watch every week (House is the third), are spiraling to a close. (Could there be two more disparate examples of television programming?) Idol has been fairly lackluster all season, and with Melinda Doolittle's premature departure last week, who even cares whether Blake or Jordin ends up on top? Jordin is my pick; she's the most Idol-ly. But all four finalists will have music careers after this, so big deal. Go ahead and cue the confetti.

"The Sopranos", however, is getting meatier and more mysterious with each passing week. Now with only two episodes left until the series finale, it's impossible to predict what's going to happen to Tony and his two families. Last night's installment, which portrayed everyone's favorite mafioso at the height of both paternal tenderness and sociopathic brutality, was as brilliant as they come and equally excruciating to watch. It's going to be hard waiting two weeks now for the penultimate episode. (Some HBO special next Sunday night. Gee, thanks, guys.)

4. Here's a recipe for a surefire mood booster. Mix a bunch of long-time friends you don't often get to see with three days off, the natural beauty of Boulder, Colorado, and 450 Newfoundland dogs. I wasn't going to go to this year's Newfoundland National Specialty, especially since I'd gotten to go to Westminster, but I'm glad I did. You just can't stay sad for long in the company of Newfies.

Watch Out, Alberto!

Things are getting stickier and stickier for U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez. New disclosures from his own former chief of staff Kyle Samson--yes, the same guy the White House scapegoated and dumped in hopes of making an ugly issue go away--contradict Alberto's denials that he was in on pre-firing conversations about the eight U.S. attorneys sacked, as we all now know, at the direction of the White House. As a result, the Capitol Hill clamor for the AG's resignation is rising on both sides of the aisle, with Republican Rep. Lee Terry undoubtedly speaking for many of his colleagues in saying, "I trusted him before but can't now."

In the midst of this tumult, President Bush has once again weighed in, calling Gonzalez an "honorable and honest" man who retains his "full confidence." I'm going to gloss right over my inclination to wonder what Bush even knows about the concepts of honor and honesty and instead leap to my point of immediate concern. Hello? Alberto? George W. Bush has gone out of his way a second time now to underscore his support for you. This is the kiss of death. The. Kiss. Of. Death. Can you hear me, Alberto? Alberto?

Well, obviously not. But no doubt you've already figured this out on your own. No doubt you're spending the weekend writing your resignation speech. Something about how you still maintain your integrity and innocence. Consequently, the president is justified in his steadfast support for you. But because this situation has become so controversial and divisive. Because it is sapping energy and attention away from the overarching mandate of our time, i.e., the global war on terror, you have decided, for the good of the country, yea, for the good of the world, to resign your position. You are going back to Texas to spend more time with your family. And the president has graciously, albeit reluctantly, accepted your decision, which by the way, was yours alone and not in any way, not in any way whatsoever, influenced by the White House.

So you go, Alberto. You keep writing. Polish it all up. And go ahead and start practicing your delivery. I predict you've only got a day or so, end of the week at most, until showtime.