Chamberpot of Horrors

"It matters how you finish." It's a saying Bob and I came up with while watching numerous individuals self-destruct after achieving great success. O. J. Simpson, for instance. Michael Jackson. Various and sundry CEOs, government leaders, members of the clergy. We look at them, at the mess they've made of their once enviable lives, the hurt and embarrassment they've inflicted on their loved ones, and we shake our heads at the needlessness of it all. They had everything going for them, and they threw it all away. Why? Now they'll be remembered not for their accomplishments, but for their lapses in judgment and conduct. It's not a new phenomenon by any means. Shakespeare made note of it in "Julius Caesar." "The evil that men do lives after them," he wrote. "The good is oft interred with their bones."

Our way of putting it isn't quite as literary, but it works for us, both as a commentary on the news and as a solemn reminder. It's human nature, after all, to make mistakes. So easy to rationalize a detour from the straight and narrow. We've all stood at the crossroads more than once. San Diego in particular has turned into a showcase for fallen heroes of late. Over the last year or so, we've discovered our elected and appointed officials have driven the city to the brink of bankruptcy. We've seen our mayor and two councilmen ousted in disgrace. It's gotten so bad the slogan "America's Finest City" has been deleted from the municipal Web site.

But last week we witnessed a public flogging that made all that's come before seem mundane. San Diegan Randy "Duke" Cunningham, a Vietnam era flying ace, Top Gun instructor and 15-year veteran of Congress, fessed up to taking $2.4 million in bribes from defense contractors in return for lucrative government contracts. It was a sorry spectacle to see "The Duke," still known for his fly-boy arrogance and bluster, standing before national news cameras, sobbing his apologies. At age 63, the man who claimed he was once the brash young fighter pilot Tom Cruise portrayed in "Top Gun," now faces up to 10 years in prison. So egregious, so reckless was his corruption that his attorney admitted he'd recommended a plea bargain because his client simply "had no defense."

The details of Cunningham's Humpty Dumpty fall from Capitol Hill are the stuff Leno and Lettermen live for. His take included a house in ultra-chic Rancho Santa Fe, free use of "The Duke-Stir," a yacht moored on the Potomac, a Rolls Royce (albeit a used one), a college graduation party for his daughter and various antiques, including a couple of 200-year-old French commodes. Not surprisingly, these last items have drawn the most attention in the national media, with uncouth AM radio jocks snickering about the Duke's penchant for antique "crappers" and even Newsweek offering the synonym "chamberpot." Isn't anyone going to point out that in design parlance, a commode is not a toilet, but a small chest of drawers?

But it does seem odd that the Dukester, known as a rowdy, fight-picking, cigar-chomping, skeet-shooting son of a gun, would care about antique French commodes of any sort. It makes me wonder what his wife role is in all of this. Maybe I'm just a budget control freak, but if Bob came home driving a Rolls Royce, used or not, pulled a French antique or two out of the trunk and suggested we start looking for property in Rancho Santa Fe, I'd start asking questions. It should be interesting to see how well Nancy Cunningham dodges the fallout from her husband's implosion. Hard to believe this will play well at the country club.

But enough time wasted on idle speculation. I have a deadline to meet, cappuccinos to steam and a book to write. Miles to go, as Frost put it, before I sleep. And I really want to finish well.

Update March 3, 2006: Today, admitting through tears that he'd "torn his life to shreds," Randy Duke Cunningham heard a judge sentence him to 100 months--that's 8 years, 4 months--in prison and then remand him into custody. The denouement made front-page headlines across the country. Hard to imagine being the Dukester tonight.